16. One Part Love

I'm here, I'm still alive, yay. I've been looking in all my old diaries trying to figure why I thought being able to stay up so late or shall I say early was so damn cool, yes I'm a writer and I work better at night but there is a big difference between nocturnal and insomnia, right now I'm suffering from the latter and the heat isn't helping.

I roll around get twisted in the sheets while music plays in the background, and no that's not why I can't sleep, one of the reasons I can't sleep is because that's when the voices in my head are the freakin' loudest, not that I can blame them cause' I can barely hear them during the day with my lot around.

And, when I do sleep it's not for long because I can't get comfortable, if I use three pillows I wake up stiff and if I use one or none I wake up stiff, what hell am I supposed to do? Ugh. Oh and on top of that my brand new laptop, as in a month old is already pissing about and 'Not responding' on me. Why me???

So, as you can imagine I'm not the nicest person to be around when I wake up.

Anywho, while watching one of my favourite shows 'Leverage - The Studio Job' I realized something, I was sitting there getting desperate to see Hardison and Parker fall for each other, it was already there, I wasn't willing it to happen because I'm a hopeless romantic but once I saw the chemistry there I couldn't help but watch one after another hoping they'd both admit their feelings. I realized that whether it plays a big part or a small part there's LOVE in every story, there's a special partnership that you love, relate to or envy, there's that banter that one else can do.

Some of my favourites are:

Leverage - Hardison/ Parker & Nate/Sophie & Hardison/Eliot
Psych - Shawn & Gus
House - House & Wilson
Supernatural - Sam & Dean




Ultmately it's the partnerships, the fighting and making up that makes us watch, or at least that's what makes me watch. Also, just to throw it out there Bromance should have it's own genre because that's another favourite of mine, watching guys who love each other act like they hate each other, but you can see one would be lost without other, and without any sexual connotation. Damn you, slash writers. LOL!

If you don't believe me look for yourself, watch your favourtie shows, there's a partnership you're attached to and they're what makes you pay attention to the story in the first place.

Be it a thriller, cop show, comedy, drama or sci fi being bold or lurking somewhere is One Part Love.




Title Info. Jeffrey Foucault




Zàijiàn,





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15. Question Existing

Wow.

Yeah, since I actually started planning to write a script I've been saying that. I'm not one to run from a challenge but hell, this is harder than I thought it was going to be, like I said in another post I started out writing scripts, or at least that's what I called them. It turns out they were just coversations, I've read a lot of scripts over the past few days, mostly pilots and now I'm asking myself if I can actually write one.

Sure, I can learn how to write out a script in the correct format using EXT. Parking Lot - Night and INT. Taxi - Night but what about the actually story? I don't know if I've done the right thing reading as much as I have, I know I have a tendency to overwhelm myself with information but I like to know what I'm getting myself into.

I still want to and am going to do it, as a child I first wanted to be a cartoonist and then moved on to actually wanting to make movies so I've always had pictures clear in my mind when writing, and could always imagine the music playing over a particularly emotional or chaotic scene. I love movies, so learning about screenwriting is essential for me as a writer, especially one who benefits from learning different writing styles.

I'm going to strart by writing a TV script and the first rule is, watch more TV. I love research but I hated homework as a teen, now if they'd said go home and research what household chemicals could make acid bombs, you know, in case one of your character's decides to blow something up, I think I would have faired better in the homework department.

Of course, while in school it didn't actually occure to me that as a writer knowing a little of everything would be helpful. LOL - Duh.

So, lots of TV. Shouldn't be too hard, I went on TV.com to check out the most popular dramas and highest rated dramas, House ranked No.1 on both lists, so I guess he goes on my list too. I was mostly looking for shows that fell in the same category as Behind The Bar, which meant I had to cross out all the sci fi/fantasies, detective/cop shows and law, that means Merlin, Cold Case and The Good Wife are out amongst others. A few other shows I skipped on because I didn't like titles like Make it or Break it - I did a quick Wiki check and I still wasn't interested.

After Twilight, anything with 'Saga' attached is likely to get a miss so The Forsyte Saga was out. And, although Criminal Minds is right there at the top of my fav shows it' a criminal drama, I'm definitely going to give Persons Unknown a watch. But, the shows I've chosen for homework are *drum roll*

1. House
2. Breaking Bad
3. One Tree Hill
4. Gossip Girl
5. Castle
6. Six Feet Under

I should watch a few that I hate too so that means Gilmore Girls, Grey Anatomy which I don't hate by the way because I've never cared to watch it before now and Pimp my ride doesn't count as a programme I could study does it? I'm stuck, so I'm sticking with it. Hours and hours of guilt free tv? Win.

Questions that need asking, that I have to ask myself when I've finished answering it about these shows are what makes this different from the rest?

Why should anyone read/watch it? I had more to questions, but being tired is like being drunk for me. So, I guess I'll continue it in another post with a note to self not to expect anything I write to make sense after midnight. And, pay no mind to the time of post, I wrote this a few days ago at like 2am.

Question Existing. Can I write a good script?



Title Info. Rihanna





Deuces,





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14. All I Do Is Win

                                                   

Today was interesting, I woke up feeling good, now to some that would sound odd but for me it doesn't happen often at all, I usually have to thaw out during the day, I rarely wake up feeling bright and ready for the world. So, I expected an email as you know from a producer I've been speaking to about writing for but I haven't heard anything back and it's friday.


I'm to assume I didn't get the writer's position, I think I hyped up fear of rejection so much that when it finally happened it didn't feel as bad as I thought that it would. I mean, yeah I'm bummed but I'm not devastated, I really wanted the opportunity to have the BBC under my belt of writing experience but it didn't work out that way. I did the same when getting my tattoo, I kept going on about how much it was going to hurt and when I sat down though it burned I didn't want to run away from it, the pain was bearable.

So why was I in a good mood? Professionally, it was my first rejection. I haven't recieved my rejection email as yet but after a week I know where it's going, and like I said in my last post I think it was rejection builds character. If I wasn't me, I would want to see what I was going to do next, after this black mark on my confidence? LOL

Hmm, I guess I'm going to keep writing like I said I would, if writing wasn't me than I would've given up a very long time ago, but the producer said when she emailed me about the interview that my writing was really good, and I should be glad to have gotten an interview because of how many applicantions they got. C'mon, feedback from someone who has written for theatre and is now the producer of an iconic soap's spin off? I'm pretty pleased with myself, it was validation that I am indeed a good writer. *Collective sighs* Yes, I know, my friends have told me and my family have told me, but I discussed them in an earlier post, sometimes the ones that love you lie.

So I've decided, I'm going to learn how to screenwrite, yep I want it on my list of 'Accomplishments' I'm still a novelist but I want to write a script, I actually started out writing scripts because I didn't know how to write novels correctly.

Nikki - Shut the hell up, was I talking to you?

Bryce - Well no, but I thought I should explain...

Nikki - Don't explain, leave me alone.

Bryce - Alright, fine.

Nikki - Fine.

Bryce - You want the last word, don't you?"

Nikki - That's usally how it works.

Nikki and Bryce walk separate way.

See, my script was pure dialogue and a little direction and not much of anything else, I just made that little scene up as an example but yeah, that's pretty much all I wrote, a bunch of conversations. Now, I want to learn how to structure a script correctly, and who knows I might just send some of them out for the fun of it without the secret 'hope' it becomes something more, I think I'd get a kick out them being sent back with a note or two. *shrug*

The end of a chapter, an experience, an opportunity. I'm moving on, while resisting the urge to write the boring story of a writer who tried to become a TV writer, LOL - Just kiddin' I couldn't sit through a boring story, even if I was the one writing it.

In other news, just a random declaration of love for Ed Norton. I like him as an actor, but there's also something about his face that I really like and I don't even know what it is. To name a few movies of his I liked, Fight Club of course, American History X (Even though he was a racist bitch throughout most it) Down the Valley? And Hulk.

Lastly, I'm a funny girl, and when I say that I'm not talking about making people laugh, I mean I have my ways about me that are, I don't know, odd. Well, if I told my sister what I'm about to tell you then she'd probably tell me...actually you don't want to know what she'd tell me because she's the devil on my shoulder.

Getting to the point, I usually write short scenes or do a quick collabrative story with someone when I've got mind block and I asked a friend if she'd be willing to write something out with me, she agreed which I was happy about and although we didn't set a specific time we pretty much knew when it was going to happen. Well, when it came to that time she didn't say anything and neither did I, you might say I should've just mentioned it again, reminded her of our agreement but here's where the funny comes in to it. I can't, and if she doesn't mention it I will never bring it up again, is that silly? Am I too proud?

I'm not sure I know what it is but if I ask someone to do something and they don't, for me that's the end of it and I move on and do what I have to do on my own. I'm not saying she's deliberately not bringing it up, I don't think she'd do that, she could even be waiting for me to bring it up again but I won't, I've always been this way.

I don't ask twice.

I think it's me automatically feeling like a burden once I've asked again, and it's also me not wanting to have to. Who knows? It's probably some deep seated child hood issue I haven't dealt with yet.

Right, so...challenge: Script

Why do I want to write a script?

Because I'm a writer and always will be, one day someone read and then I'll write some more until someone buys and sells, it's getting up and dusting my arse off after a 'No, Thank you' that makes me a winner.


Title Info. DJ Khaled.


Good Night, Good Morning,


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9. Not Afraid

Well, I'm trying not to be.

So, I probably should've mentioned that I have been trying to get an acting gig at my local theatre; I've actually been on the waiting list for three years now. o.O I don't know if that's a hint, I've chased them up a couple of times but it's taken so long that I'm now too old for their summer workshops. I didn't want to just act in the theatre I wanted to produce some of the plays; I don't know what I was on thinking it was as simple as that.

However, I recently revisited their site and found a section titled 'New Writing,' so I signed up to the mailing list, they were putting together groups of young writers but you had to sign up to express interest. About a week after that I got a few emails, audition parts and experienced writing staff needed but I wasn't interested in the part being offered nor was I experienced in the field of playwriting.

In the month of May I think it was, I was sent an email with an application attached to be a part of a summer project and I literally jumped out of my chair, I filled in the application as best I could which included writing a monologue and creating a character profile. I sent it off and I'm telling you, as soon as I hit send I thought to myself "What are you doing? You're not going to get chosen for this."

I've sat there so many times though, watching rubbish TV and thinking I could write better and then as soon as I had the opportunity to prove it via email I lost my stones, ego or whatever you want to call it. It was only the first stage, answer a few questions and give a writing sample and suddenly I didn't write good enough to show someone who wasn't a friend or family member.

I felt a bit shit, I was scared to say aloud "What I sent was good," in case they told me otherwise. A Word of advice fellow writers...Screw what anyone says, I'm telling you here and now not to give a flying f*** about what people say. I knew it was good but I was being a baby. What if they don't like it? - So, what if they don't? At the end of the day all it means is that they don't like it, nothing more and nothing less.

I should've said "I think this pretty good but if they don't like it, I'll keep trying." As writers I think it's important that we adopt that kind of attitude because if you don't anything anyone says will crush your confidence and your spirit. Guess what? Not everyone is going to like you; it's the way the world works. No matter how good I think I am SOMEONE won't like me or my stories.

So anyway, that's what I should've been telling myself instead of being negative and feeling sorry for myself before I was even rejected. Long story short, after trying to convince my sisters I wasn't going to get an interview I forgot all about it and continued my writing. Well, as you know it was my birthday on the 22nd but I'm never allowed anywhere near the internet on such occasions so I was only able to check my mail yesterday.

What do I find? (Well done on your application. We will send your interview date this week. Once again many congratulations.) I cut that short but you get the drift, point is I didn't believe I was good enough and instead of just being happy for the interview op it was more bittersweet, I keep going in circles and my friend Rae tells me it's the writer's curse. I wholly agree with her (hahaha I said wholly - A year older? Who me? Nooo) there will be days when I feel like everything I write is shit and then there will be days where I feel like a genius. *cough* I'm thinking the real test is to learn how to love both, love the shitty moments and the wow I wrote that moments, right? That's what I think.

I already know my biggest problem is fear of rejection, but in a way I think if this channel does end up telling me I'm not what they're looking for right now that it'll be a blessing in disguise. Of course, if they were to offer me to the opportunity to write with eleven other writers my age to create an online drama I would be in a state of euphoria. It might seem small but to me it's a huge deal to have that experience under my belt, who knows where the drama could go? I'm not going to get ahead of myself, but whether I do well in the interview or not I will always write because it's who I am.

I might just go crazy and start writing to every network in London. After all, I did work briefly for channel 4 which was fun, I wonder if they'd remember me. Wasn't glamorous but c'mon...it was channel 4!

To close, I'll let you know that I did get my interview date and it's for June 29th which I've just realized is my nephews 4th birthday. I have to write a brief scene for a very popular soap before the interview and I've already written the outline so I need to get stuck into that, like now.

The point of this entry was to remind myself and to also tell YOU! Not to be afraid of the positive and good things in life, sometimes we spend so much time worrying about how long 'the good' is going to last that we don't enjoy it while it's here, we practically rush it away like a dirty secret we don't want anyone to find out about.

Rejection is good for the soul, it builds character.

Success is also good for the soul, it tests character.

See what I just did there? Am I wiser than my years or just a rambler? You decide. I'm not afraid.


Title info. Eminem


Da nos,


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