I had a plan of what I wanted to
say in this post but now that I've allowed the day to go on, I know
it's not as important as the story I'm going to tell now.
Khimba 'Khimi' Paul
- Today she would be turning 24 years old. She loved to dress up, smell
nice and do something special, even if it meant some music at home,
fancy dress and rock band, as long as we were all together it didn't
matter. Family was the most important thing to her, is the most
important thing to her.
You'd think that amount of
dedication to your family was an instinctual and innate part of a person
but the truth is, a lot of families are fractured, warring, holding
grudges, and today's generation seem to place more stock in their
friends and the media than they do their families.
Khimi was the opposite, she didn't hold grudges, she was too strong for
that and she always forgave you if you made a mistake, always. And my
post today is my way of making my sister a promise, a promise to honour
her and all she stood for, and all she did while she was here until the
day I go to and meet her.
Her generosity, her
compassion, her creativity, her voice, these are memories I can never
forget. I was terrified I would, sick with worry, thinking I would
forget the little things, like her favourite perfume, pair of shoes or
colour but every time I panic, it comes to me and it feels as though
it's her way of reassuring me that she'll never let that happen.
remember when Khimi stumbled on Justin Nozuka, he was singing 'Mr
Therapy Man' and ever since then he's been in this house, filling us
with soul and heart bursting lyrics. Although I haven't been able to
listen to him since she went to sleep, I always rememeber 'No Heaven'
being our song, our favourite song together, we related to the lyrics,
it seemed to mirror our bond in quite a sombre way.
if there's no heaven?" Was a favourite quote of hers and I worried
after she was gone if it could be true, what if there wasn't a heaven
for her to go, but after a nightmare I had where I called out to her,
asking her to wake me up and she did, I felt watched over, cared for,
warm. And I discovered that after all she had been through, and who she
was before it all happened, there was nothing less out there for her but
Heaven, or something like it. There is a place out there for people
like my sister, wonderful, strong, magical spirits - indestructible
There is a Heaven, and Khim is watching us,
wishing we'd be try to be happy at the same time knowing that we can't
because she wouldn't be able to either. Not yet.
I take comfort in knowing that because of her, my family is all I'll
ever need, and any friends I have or make along the way are and will be a
bonus during this journey I'm on.
Happy 24th Birthday, Khim.
I promise to honour you in everything I do for the rest of my life, people will know you through me and every story I tell. You are my Phoenix.
I love you.