Wednesday, 24 August 2011

I miss God

She's not here anymore. I'm barely here. Nothing means anything to me, and I don't want anyone to tell me to move on or tell me 'you'll be alright' because it's a lie.

When you spend 23 years of your life next to someone, protecting them, loving them, growing with them, learning from them, when they go, there's no filling the HOLE.

My twin, my sister, my best friend has passed and I never believed it would happen, my absolute faith was in God. My whole life I've believed in him, prayed daily for the safety of my family and friends, it's all I've ever asked for. I haven't had the greatest life, it's always been a struggle but I always had Khim (my bub) bad things have happened to us, around us, but we were finally coming out on top, then she got sick. Now I'm alone, I have my family and friends but I don't have her, so I'll always be alone now.

My aunt said we can't just have faith in God when good things happen, but I can't remember a time that anything good has ever happened to this family, except for when my nephews were born five years ago.

I haven't prayed since she went, I don't have any faith left. Yes, I'm grieving and I'm hurt, whatever you want to tell me, but my sister isn't here, and that's what it boils down to.

I believe in Him, but I don't believe in Him anymore.

I miss God, but I miss my twin more.

I guess I really am alone.

No comments:

Post a Comment