Runaway Love

Definitions.

Runaway
                 A person who runs away, fugitive; deserter

Runaway used to mean escaping from my world to immigrate into another, one I'd created or another writer had. 

Now I'm that runaway without the love, my mind is a runaway train and the only way to stop one of those is to either bleed the breaks or derail it, but physically, as I'm a human being those options do not apply, so what do I do? How to I stop my mind from working at a 'burn out imminent' pace?

Train of thought

Human

Here it is, again. How are you feeling? Are you good?

Are you ready for Nano?

In the famous words of one of my favourite characters on TV, Oh Boy! - When my friend asked me if I was ready, my response was, asterisk cry asterisk, literally. And then it was along the lines of 'I'm not prepared, my brain is yucky and I haven't thought about it enough.' The truth is, I have thought about nothing else and sometimes that can be a downfall when you're trying to write a novel. If I overthink an idea the novel is capital shite before I've even started writing it. Jenny, being the amazing and ever so supportive friend, gave me a little reassurance and in that moment, I realized something...

Our conversation went a little something like this.

No Heaven

Deep Breath...

I had a plan of what I wanted to say in this post but now that I've allowed the day to go on, I know it's not as important as the story I'm going to tell now.

Khimba 'Khimi' Paul - Today she would be turning 24 years old. She loved to dress up, smell nice and do something special, even if it meant some music at home, fancy dress and rock band, as long as we were all together it didn't matter. Family was the most important thing to her, is the most important thing to her.

A Brave New World

I'm the one who was always late to the party. This is a post that was written a little while ago now but there was something about it that I didn't like. I've left it so long, I don't actually remember what that was, so here it is.

Staying Alive

I find it's better to leave a short note saying, hello all, I'm still here than to leave my poor blog neglected for months while I'm tightly locked away in my cancerian shell doing what cancerians do.

Hey, I'm still here buried beneath 9 hours of work with little people, writing, editing and rewriting of Freak Shows. Hmm, any updates? I'm thinking of creating a tab specifically for Freak Shows, including character details, the writing process, music and any sketches or pictures relating to the characters.

I'm loving spending time with kids, it definitely provides a regular source of inspiration and fresh prespective that keeps the blood pumping through my muse. I miss writing full-time though. Boohoo!


Anyway, early start tomorrow - Night Night x

28. Hold On, I'm Coming

Hey!

I reached my deadline on time. I should be happy, right? Well, I am and I'm not. Let me explain... (I have a similar post about it on my tumblr A Letter To Khimi, yes; I'm into everything these days.)



This post is about promotion and the lack of it among up and coming artists, or shall I just get to the point and say me? I have a huge problem with promoting myself and not in a snooty sense either. I don't think promotion is beneath me at all; in fact everywhere you look people are promoting their brand. You go on Youtube and you're not only bombarded by cover songs artists wanting a sub, but professionals too, using the channels to share their music and tour updates. Writers are producing shows and each week they're releasing promos to intrigue and excite their viewers.

It's simple enough, right? Hey, I just updated my blog, check it out and tell me what you think. Check out my new book on amazon and in selected stores. So, why do I struggle with this?

Lucky 7

                                                  Seven lines from new works

So, I made a friend over on twitter, fellow writer @TQuigley_Writer. He's shared a great blog challenge that was passed on to him and kindly tagged me in it. It's taken me a while because you know, I like to be fashionably late. *cough*

For all aspiring authors, the rules couldn’t be simpler;

• Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript
• Go to line 7
• Post on your blog the next 7 lines, or sentences, as they are – no cheating
• Tag 7 other authors to do the same

Quick Run Down - This isn't an ordinary circus. It tells the untold story of an immortal ringmaster whose desperate need not only to revive his livelihood but to ensure he'll never be alone leads him to steal children from all over europe, children with gifts like him.

Fifteen year old, Kit Acuzio, is the latest victim but there's a problem. He's too old and too stubborn to succumb to his new life in Pandemonium.

This scene is right after the snatch of Pandemonium's first victim.

Chapter One : Line 7 of Page 7

27. At Last

“I think that to write well and convincingly, one must be somewhat poisoned by emotion. Dislike, displeasure, resentment fault-finding, imagination, passionate remonstrance, a sense of injustice–they all make fine fuel.” – Edna Ferber

FYI Writing is very hard, and no, I'm not just figuring it all out now, I thought it better to say aloud to get it off my chest. I don't think anyone chooses to write, if it's in you, it takes you and there is nothing you can do about it, so shut up and do as the voices say.

                        (I blurred the last line of the story, I have friends reading this blog, you know?)

I have two main reasons for writing this blog, firstly...

While I think it is pitiful that this is my first post of the New Year, I do have a good reason, and that reason is obviously writing related. In my previous post  This Woman's Work I spoke about completing Nanowrimo. The good news is I think so far I've been able to keep the discipline it enforced, by writing consistently and swallowing back the excuses I've got a lot done, hence no blog posts. I finished the Freak Shows!!!

26. This Woman's Work

Yatta! (I did it – Thank you, Hiro) 

I completed the Nano challenge four or five minutes before we hit Tuesday 22nd and for the first time in, I don't know how long, I was able to fall asleep within seconds of dragging my arse to bed. This month was definitely tough and I hate how much pressure I put on myself to do a certain count each day. Nano was challenge enough and then I added to it, yes I finished early but because I really don't like the thought of not finishing a deadline on time.


Nano in 2012? I’ve proved to myself that with enough discipline I can deliver, I can hammer out thousands of words and even finish a novel. I’m not sure I need to prove that to myself every year, what I do hope is the habit of writing consistently, swallowing back excuses and repeating positive mantras such as ‘keep going’ continue well after Nano is over.

25. Many The Miles

On your marks, get set...

I love Sara Bareille; she makes beautiful music like 'Breathe Again' and inspiring music like Many The Miles which I chose for the title of my post today. I joined Nano in 2009 and wrote and completed a novel called 'WIPS' about, you guessed it, a writer who never finished anything. But, because of stresses I sat out last year, this year I'm jumping back on the bandwagon with a new title 'Freak Shows' which is a young adult, slightly dark themed adventure.

Although I won't have time to post about my progress on nano, you can check my profile on there. It has a word count scoreboard. I don't think there is anyone who doesn't know about Nano by now, unless you're not a writer and have no writers in your family, but in short you have to write a novel of 50,000 words in 30 days.


I think it looks a little arrogant of me not to post a synopsis, it looks as though I don't want my idea stolen, because as original as you think your idea is, it really isn't, everything has been done before. My problem is writing a synopsis that engages you without giving away the best part so until then; I'm leaving it blank, because no summary is better than a bad one.

Check out Sara's music, she's great.

Title info. Mentioned in post

Ciao x

24. Hope For Now

City and Colour.

I can't remember when I actually discovered City and Colour, I know it was sometime last year but his music touches me so deeply. The lyrics, it's like he's talking to me and understands exactly how I feel. It probably sounds silly but I feel as though we're going through this hard time together.

Hope For Now is one of my favourite songs, along with 'Grand Optimist' and well his whole album is beautiful, but those stick out the most.

 Check him out

I miss God

She's not here anymore. I'm barely here. Nothing means anything to me, and I don't want anyone to tell me to move on or tell me 'you'll be alright' because it's a lie.

When you spend 23 years of your life next to someone, protecting them, loving them, growing with them, learning from them, when they go, there's no filling the HOLE.

23. Numb

I’ve never seen so much bravery, courage and strength in one person in my life, she’s a warrior, I call her my Phoenix.

She's my hero.

Even after everything Khim's been through, chemo for two years, two transplants, four hickmans, a pick line, hear loss four times, steroids, eighty something lava liquid needles, infections, bloating, mouth sores, over a hundred blood tests and now an NG tube. You can't tell me that's not heroic.




Title Info. Barcelona



Never goodbye, just see you later.

22. Breathe Me

Recently I've found I am asking myself the same question "What type of person are you?" Because there are only two types in my book, the ones who talk and the ones who do and I've never liked those kind of people who only give a good lip service. The reason why I don't like them is because once you've learned a certain attitude it's hard to unlearn and I've always said you are who you surround yourself with! I'm a sponge, I've said it many times before, I'll soak up absolutely everything until I'm ready to explode and that's no-ones fault but mine, it's just how I am...

The point of this post? I've become a lip service. The worst thing is I'm only lip servicing myself, I wanted to review some of my favourite TV shows inbetween updating 'Night Crawlers' on ffnet and making banners for a cool website 'Bringing TVD to Canada' - Now with the artwork, it's been pretty difficult cause there has been snow and that equals bad internet connection!!!

What is my excuse for not writing?! I write everyday even if it can only be a few hundred words, I WRITE!

Currently, I'm doing nothing I set out to do, I'm finishing nothing I started and I keep telling myself I'll do it tomorrow.

A week or more after my sister's 22nd birthday Oct 21st we learned that the Hodgkins Lymphoma was back, after about six solid months free of the diease it is claiming our lives again, she's barely an adult and she's having to go back to battle. I don't know if it's the unfairness of it all, the anger or fear that keeps me from being able to do the things that pump blood to my heart but I know there is no focus for anything else right now.

I want to get myself back on track, I want to be her armour, the support and strength that she needs but somehow I don't think a cold shower will do the trick. I know that writing has always been my support, my armour and strength, I just desperately need to find my way back to it because I've learned that my writing also helps her, most importantly we all feel healed by it.

This title is so fitting because I feel like this so often. I hope whoever is reading this if anyone that you actually take the time to check out the songs I name my posts after. I never pick songs randomly, they have all affected me in some way or another.

'Breathe Me' - For me this song speaks of my relationship with writing, my connection and how I'm affected when I'm disconnected from it.


Lyrics.

How I feel about myself - Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame



How I feel about my writing - Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me



Without writing - Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Go listen to the amazing song, and if you like, tell me why it affects you? Music speaks to all of us differently.

Title Info. Sia

Night,

ThaWriterzSoundtrack.

21. My Vampire Heart

This an old post that I actually forgot to publish, so here it is.

A while has passed without a post, want to know what I've been doing? If the title is anything to go by you're already pretty sure what I'm going to talk about but I'm going to make this super quick.

1) I may or may not have mentioned that my baby was freezing excessively, so a bit of a advice for you, don't ever buy a Dell laptop.

2) Thank the heavens for my Blackberry, it's where all my chapters have been going until my baby is fixed.

3) I've started updating 'Night Crawlers' again, and I know exactly how it ends in my head but since baby has been throwing tantrums I haven't been able to update my latest chapter.

4) I applied to be a fan columnist on BuddyTV and didn't get it but I'm still smiling, I wanted the experience and enjoyed reviewing Smallville's comeback although I would've prefered my favourite vampire show. I was encouraged to try again when another opportunity arises.

5) My social life is somewhat back on track, meeting up with friends and hanging out bla bla.

6) Since I've turned my attention to scripts, I've been getting more ideas than I can use and it's exciting to daydream about one day having my own show. LOL - impossible is nothing, right?

On the real reason I wanted to post...

The Vampire Diaries - The Return

Yeah, I know a vampire show but unlike Glee I'm not slightly embarrassed and annoyed with myself for kind of liking it. If I didn't mention it before, Ian Somerhalder was my reason for watching, I've been watching the man since I was fifteen when he was in young Americans and I would die if he ever ended up playing my Avery Grim. ARGH!

Anyway, to my actual surprise I liked it instantly and not just because of Damon but because of the writing, it was fast pace and exciting and suspensful, good. The second half of the season had me well and truly hooked to an obssessive level, by obssessive I mean, watching live streams online so I could watch it with the rest of America instead of waiting for England to catch up.

The final minute of the finale was insane and the premiere of season 2 was even more crazy and I mean that in a completely good way. I was on the edge of my seat, sitting next my sister at one in the morning, while we grabbed on to each other every other minute in absolute shock, I loved every minute of it. Also, being a fan of Damon and Bonnie's partnership in the books, I was pleased to see they had a couple scenes in this episode not that the banter lasted.

Now we're heading towards episode four but thus far my favourite episode is the third 'Bad Moon Rising' and amazingly it's not because Damon and Elena were together for the whole thing with the addition of Alaric quite the contrary, I loved it because of the ones who were still in Mystic Falls. That is for another post though, I fully intend to write a review about it so I can fan girl over my favourite parts again, particularly the parts with Tyler and uncle Mason.

When it comes to vampires, why are we so easy to reel in? Well let's see, they're sexy immortals who are charming enough to lure you into a dark alley before rutlessly drainging the life out of you, we're attracted to the danger, the mystery and sometimes the soul within a monster.


Title info. Tom McRae.

Laterz,

ThaWriterzSoundtrack.

20. Calm Under The Waves

  

                                                          

She walks along the beach, golden sand crunching between her toes, there’s a breeze in the air that caresses her skin while the falling sun reflects in the ocean, and a smile warms her face as the water comes closer, higher, and heavier.



Her light summer dress clings to her waist and hugs her breasts; it’s what she wants, needs.


Then she’ll let go.



If only it would carry her away, leaving burdens of the heart to float from her soul.




She could let go.




The stories he told her about the ocean echo in the night as her eyes close and her arms spread like wings, welcoming the coming waves.


The lights ashore are supposed to fade away, along with her memories and the pain is supposed to stop along with her heart.


Instead, the sound of the ocean crashing swells the heart that aches so much as it takes her back home, to shore, to life without him.


The ocean never takes her with it, and she’s left to wonder where it goes and if it’ll ever come back for her, to save her.




She wants to sink but she floats.




She wants to die yet she lives.




But, tomorrow at the same time she’ll seek calm under the waves.

19. Apparently Unaffected

There are days when things really get to me and then there are days when those same things won't even get a flinch out of me, on those apparently unaffected days I find myself asking what the difference is with me. Why do I stop reacting?

Is it my ego?


Since my sister was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma life has been very different, and we've all been different personalities but sometimes there'll be glimpses of the old us, my sister in particular has changed a lot of course, there's no way you get cancer and don't change. But, it's on the good days that I remember the girl before the illness, the one who used to make me laugh so hard I'd choke or carry me away with her singing.

There's not much of that right now, and I know the doctor said it would take up to a year for her to feel normal again but my patience sometimes wavers, I'm like a sponge, I soak up the moods of the ones around me and chemo would leave her really drained and sick in turn leaving me the same. She gets really low, and I mean really low and unresponsive, sometimes tearful, after everything that's happened to her I can't blame her either but sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. The emotion is too powerful to hide from, it fills the whole house and once I'm affected EVERYONE else is affected. Why?


I'm the strong one, I didn't give myself the role, it kind of just happened from a young age and with everyone falling apart I knew if I did too then the fight would be over before it had begun so I became comic relief, I didn't let anyone cry for long without making them laugh. After a while it became habit and I didn't know how to cry even when I was absolutely devastated or falling to pieces, writing has always been my survival and so I relied on that to keep me from giving up on myself.


Now I figure that the difference is my ego. I sometimes forget that it is normal for my sister to have mood swings and on those days where I'm affected by it and react I realize that it's my ego not allowing me to let it go. If I take the time to remember what she's been through, what we've all been through the past two years than I can let it go, and I do when I remember but sometimes it seems so unreal, like it didn't happen to her, us.

The days that I do forget that it happened to us are the days that I'm affected by everything, from her moods to my step dad laughing too loud but when I remember to appreciate the lesson and the journey I realize what's worth my reaction.

I guess what I'm saying is trials and tribulations really do show us what matters and what doesn't, some of us spend too much time being angry or hateful that we forget to focus on the love with have for those close. 50 Cent said 'Some days wouldn't special, if it wasn't for rain, joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain.' that's something I hope to keep reminding myself of it every day!


On a good note, I’m helping my sister write her story and it’s called ‘Rule The World’ I know, right? I’m a very busy girl but I seem to live better in chaos, stressed and zombified.



I usually have a short fuse, today, I'm apparently unaffected.





Title info. Maria Mena





Peace,





ThaWriterzSoundtrack.

18. Turn To Stone

 Max Stone


Detective Max Stone opened the door to his half empty apartment and kicked off his shoes; he walked over to his sofa and slumped on it. Using his left hand, he dug the remote control from the back of his sofa and switched the widescreen television on, channel after channel he switched, hoping he could get Mckayla’s face out of his head. Stone had looked like her before, felt like he imagined she did, in a cold dirty well where he could never climb out, while people walked right by and couldn’t hear the yells, and they would search once they did but they’d never look down.


The beauty of San Francisco was shut out by Stone's dark blinds, to Bryan he was just a weird wanna be emo shutting out the world, but what he didn't know was that Stone suffered from terrible headaches since a child. Headaches that made his head feel like it was going to explode, and the only way he knew how to make it hurt less or go away was to work out hard, doing push ups or hiding behind his blinds. He was one of the few who didn't wear dark shades to reinvent himself as Neo Anderson.


He wasn't just a cop, a detective, he was stone. Forever running from a past that was faster at catching up than he was at leaving it behind; he hadn't been called by his name in nearly two years, since his last relationship. He didn't have many friends, apart from colleagues, and they all referred to each other by their last names, he'd almost forgotten his name wasn't Stone, almost forgot he was not stone.




Tile info. Joe Walsh


Annyeong,



ThaWriterzSoundtrack.

17. Little Of Your Time

I'm so annoyed with myself for promising people I care about time and never actually getting around to spending time with them, I have the greatest friends in the world who love me and are already so patient and encouraging. I'm beginning to worry that I'll lose the best ones, I mean everyone has two sets of friends, the ones you talk to casually and catch once in a while and then you have the ones you adore and feel like something is missing if you haven't spoken to them for a bit. Sometimes those casual friends grow into the ones you adore too.

I only have a handful of those friends I wish I could put in my pocket and keep them forever but we all have our own lives and paths to follow, I have one in particular right now that I'm missing terribly. There was a point where we spoke everyday even if it was just for a few hours, and now we're lucky if we chat longer than ten minutes.

Now, she's an actress, a successful one too so her time is limited anyway and she has kids too but I miss her is all I'm saying, and sometimes I just want to be childish and stomp my feet. She's very special to me, an amazing writer who constantly inspires me, intelligent, funny, protective and ambitious with gorgeous kids ta boot!

Wanting some of her time, it just made me realize how some of my other friends feel when they say they miss me and want some of my time. But as Miss Jia said, if you can make time to eat, sleep and shit then you can take a little time out for the ones you appreciate! Besides, I need to get out more because on I'm this thing way too much and it's not healthy, if I'm not writing then I'm watching TV or running around after my nephews. At the end of the day, I always feel bad for not emailing, txting or calling anyone back, I haven't been a very good fried lately, if I want time then I'm going to have to give time.

And I need to get my social life back on track, not that I'm a club person. I'm more of a theatre, live music, concert or festival  kinda gal. So, on my already epically long list of things to do I'll be adding 'Take time out for friends'

Apart from the above rant, I had a pretty lazy sunday. = D



Tile info. Maroon 5



Adios,



ThaWriterzSoundtrack.

16. One Part Love

I'm here, I'm still alive, yay. I've been looking in all my old diaries trying to figure why I thought being able to stay up so late or shall I say early was so damn cool, yes I'm a writer and I work better at night but there is a big difference between nocturnal and insomnia, right now I'm suffering from the latter and the heat isn't helping.

I roll around get twisted in the sheets while music plays in the background, and no that's not why I can't sleep, one of the reasons I can't sleep is because that's when the voices in my head are the freakin' loudest, not that I can blame them cause' I can barely hear them during the day with my lot around.

And, when I do sleep it's not for long because I can't get comfortable, if I use three pillows I wake up stiff and if I use one or none I wake up stiff, what hell am I supposed to do? Ugh. Oh and on top of that my brand new laptop, as in a month old is already pissing about and 'Not responding' on me. Why me???

So, as you can imagine I'm not the nicest person to be around when I wake up.

Anywho, while watching one of my favourite shows 'Leverage - The Studio Job' I realized something, I was sitting there getting desperate to see Hardison and Parker fall for each other, it was already there, I wasn't willing it to happen because I'm a hopeless romantic but once I saw the chemistry there I couldn't help but watch one after another hoping they'd both admit their feelings. I realized that whether it plays a big part or a small part there's LOVE in every story, there's a special partnership that you love, relate to or envy, there's that banter that one else can do.

Some of my favourites are:

Leverage - Hardison/ Parker & Nate/Sophie & Hardison/Eliot
Psych - Shawn & Gus
House - House & Wilson
Supernatural - Sam & Dean




Ultmately it's the partnerships, the fighting and making up that makes us watch, or at least that's what makes me watch. Also, just to throw it out there Bromance should have it's own genre because that's another favourite of mine, watching guys who love each other act like they hate each other, but you can see one would be lost without other, and without any sexual connotation. Damn you, slash writers. LOL!

If you don't believe me look for yourself, watch your favourtie shows, there's a partnership you're attached to and they're what makes you pay attention to the story in the first place.

Be it a thriller, cop show, comedy, drama or sci fi being bold or lurking somewhere is One Part Love.




Title Info. Jeffrey Foucault




Zàijiàn,





ThaWriterzSoundtrack.